After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
