I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
