I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
