I haven't been this sober since birth.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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