are you still at the devil's house?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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