Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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