i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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