Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
