Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
