Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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