Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
