If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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