you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
