she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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