I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Im just a social blackout drinker.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
