ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
