The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
