South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
