I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
