do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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