need another drink. this is the easiest way
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
