dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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