What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
