some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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