what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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