TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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