I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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