i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
MIDGETS
????
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
