i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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