Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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