I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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