Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
