im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
