It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
