If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
