I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
