I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
