I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How external is "for external use only"?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize