I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
