hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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