I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Randomize
