I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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