she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
