Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
