I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
