i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
