omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize