Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
