i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize