i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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