I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
