I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
