highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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