if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
