I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
