just tell him i said nine months
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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