i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
