You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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