Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
