woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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