He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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