Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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