Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
