You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
