The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Randomize
