She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
