I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize