I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
