Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
