2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
MIDGETS
????
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
