did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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