I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
