It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
