Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize