Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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