I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
