i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
