So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
